While the emotional work you do as a leader may go unrecognized and undervalued, it is more vital than ever in today’s work world. Being a leader demands emotional labour, giving positive, supportive energy to the people who depend on you each day. But what happens when there’s a conflict between how you really feel and the emo­tions you’re expected to project to your team? How can you walk this authenticity tightrope? Here are a few techniques to try.

• Do an emotional audit.Ask yourself: What exactly am I feeling? Where do I feel it in my body? What’s causing me to feel this way? How is this feeling different from what's expected of me? Mindfully reflecting on your feelings will help you build emotional intelligence and self-awareness—two key traits of good leaders.

• Reappraise the situation.To authentically tap into the positive feelings you’re expected to display, focus on finding legitimate reasons to feel those emotions. If you’re able to locate those reasons, you won’t need to fake the feelings.

• Focus on the big picture.Take a step back and reflect on why your work matters. What impact does it have on your team, customers, or broader community? Focusing on the people who benefit from your work can be energizing for both you and your team.

• Take time to reconnect and replenish.Seek out support and be kind to yourself. Connect with people to whom you can express your unfiltered thoughts and feelings—whether it’s your partner, a therapist, or trusted peers. Engaging in activities that enable you to relax and recharge, such as meditation, journaling, art, or nature walks, can also reduce the toll of emotional labour.

While the emotional work you do as a leader may go unrecognized and undervalued, it is more vital than ever in today’s work world. This labor is often a selfless and prosocial act, allowing you to care for and positively impact others even when you’re not feeling it. However, it should not come at your personal expense.

Do you ask for help when needed?

Have you ever had an experience where your feeling overcame you?

Denham Smith, D. (2023, January). When Your Feelings Conflict with Your Leadership Role. Harvard Business Review.